第二十二週 - I Feel Lonely

May 28, 2021

各位朋友們平安:

今天的週末問安的主題是: I Feel Lonely.

五月二十五日是王大哥 Frank Wang 離世一週年紀念, 王大哥和我都住在 Rossmoor 退休社區裏面的一個供餐的公寓 The Waterford, 我和他晚年的女朋友 Irene 一起去他的墳上看他, 帶了兩枝玫瑰去, 擺在王大哥和他妻子的墓碑上, 有些單調, 卻又感覺豐富.

很奇怪地, out of blue, 今天我在找 Autumn Leaves 這首歌的時候, 跳出一段錄音 - I Feel Lonely, 這是王大哥寄給我的一篇短文, 他寄給我的意思是分享他在妻子離世後紀錄下來的心情寫照, 他說當我們的另一半走了之後, 我們悲痛之餘, 會發現世界照常運行, 沒有人會注意到我們的日子已經翻天覆地, 沒有人會刻意來關照, 除了喪失另一半之外, 會發現自己的踽踽獨行的寂寞感; 安剛走, 王大哥刻意來關照我.

把錄音放給您聽, 也分享 Autumn Leaves 這首歌, 我選了 Eva Cassidy 唱的版本, Cassidy 是位只活了三十三歲的天才歌星, 是我所謂的有人生深刻體驗的歌者, 她的唱法很特別, 你會覺得她只是唱給你一個人聽; 王大哥 1953 年就到了美國, 習慣用英文寫文章.

如果您的另一半也已經走了, 請接受這首歌做我關照您的心意.

I Feel Lonely
August the 2nd, 2012
By Frank Wang

It is now more appropriate to say I than we
as I normally would have said,
I feel strange and lonely,

In the marital status line,
I now check widowed instead of married,
As I’ve done nearly 57 years,
I feel unfair and lonely,

More than once in official documents,
I signed as the surviving spouse,

I feel betrayed and lonely,

The feeling persists, yet,

Everything around me appears to be normal,
Like nothing unusual has happened,

Don’t people know my wife has died,
She is gone, and not coming back,
And my life will no longer be the same,

I feel lonely, I miss her smile and her sense of humor,

But most of all, I miss her company…

No one can stop me from crying,
But I wish someone were there to wipe the tears off my cheeks.
No one can stop my heart from aching,
But I wish someone were there to give me a hug or just hold my hands…

I feel lonely,…

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